I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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