We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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