Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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