like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
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I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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