I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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