If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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