Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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