My room smells like vodka and shame
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize