If i come over, it means nothing
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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