I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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