Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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