She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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