New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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