its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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