I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
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You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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