i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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