like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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