well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize