My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize