I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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