I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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