I want to walk on stilts...naked
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she told me i tasted like america
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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