I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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