god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Is Oprah even human
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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