I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What a dumb baby whore.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize