U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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