Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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