i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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