some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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