I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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Help me help you realize you are a moron
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think i got beer on your cat.
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