Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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