i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize