i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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