no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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