Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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