I love black thongs
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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