Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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