Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize