Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize