I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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