He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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