If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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