i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need water and some morals
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YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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