Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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