"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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