So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize