the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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