I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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