I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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