You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize